Signed, with love in eros

1 Corinthians 13:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


I have sought for the definition of love, though not far & wide, but long and intensely enough to realise that well, this love does 'work a number' on the best of us...
The best of us being relative to the angle in which this love is perceived...
Where love's existence has been challenged, where love was found, where love was lost, where love is hoped for, where love is fought for, where love has descended and received blows, where love is a fear, where love is a myth, where love is ...name it...
It has 'worked a number' on the best of us with an un-matched momentum...

Many are the times when I wonder whether I will ever truly live this so called love...
Live in the sense that not only knowing that it exists, not only knowing the beautiful qualities of 'lady love', (and I am in no way trying to insinuate that love is female, though if we went down that road I might put up a top notch performance in support... =)) flow of thought return!...um, not only tasting a few fruits in the name of love, but having the privilege of saying I have fallen in love real good and I am living it, and I am loving it...

I have learnt a thing or two along the way as I anticipate this haven...
That love knows no standards, but is in itself a standard,
That love is not a walk in walk out affair, but it can descend upon you with diligence,
That love is not unhealthy, but it can make you sick to the stomach just as it makes you come alive,
That love withstands the test of time,and the tests of time,
That it is a manifestation of the condition of your spirit,
Love remains constant in its definition, but takes the shape of the nature of its vessel...
n best of all that love can be fully understood once its Author has been understood; God is love, and to love like He loves...is something worth the effort as you make a conscious choice to tango with this love

I think my point is, I am tired


I am tired, and at the moment, I care not to check up on my 'love count'
I don't know whether am tired of being in love, or of not being in love..
Do I really understand what love is anyway, even before I think of it in eros, am I ready for it, groomed for it?
What am I doing?
n can't I just, you know, just find myself in it all, faultless and pure love, once and for all without all this hustle and bustle
truth be told I have lost touch with clarity about it...n I am tired

I do not want to think about it, I do not want to struggle with it, don't get me wrong I won't fight it, but I won't put my mind into it any more...I don't want to keep making myself less whole as I consciously wallow in scrutiny, I don't want hints of it, weighs and measures, 'what if's and what if not-s', 'maybes and maybe not-s', 'let's see-s', 'is it real-s', 'is he true-s', 'do I-s'
I think I no longer want to figure out whether it has come in its real form...
I would really like to finally live the definition I begun with in this post...n yes, at the intended time, and with my one

I think the time has come for me to want to just love and be loved plain and simple, no questions asked...